18 Weeks Out!

Eighteen weeks.  123 days.  Somehow that feels significant.  Four months and change.  I have never really stopped training; I rolled right from training for and completing the Miami Marathon into training for IM 70.3 FL, six weeks ago, then it became Ironman training exclusively.  That half iron race gave me a base to work from, but there's a lot of work to do, and that much time left to do it. 

The View from the Train:  It's a lot of time, and yet it's no time.  The first eight weeks have been a roller coaster ride.  The days are starting to blur together, a familiar pattern of short workouts during the week, with a rest day thrown in (my schedule says Monday usually, sometimes Friday), and long workouts on the weekend.  This past weekend was like a Mini-Ironman:  a 1.8 mile long open water swim, 15 miles running (over two runs) and 67 miles on the bike.  In all, about two thirds of the race over a three day period.  I am very smoked, but not injured.  During the blur of these first few weeks, it is almost like I didn't have the luxury to feel anything about it other than relentlessly dragging my rear end to one training session after another - the "just do it" mindset.  After this big weekend, and a good night's sleep I find that I can take a wider view of things and realize the whirlwind of emotion that started when I signed up is still there, it was just suppressed by discipline and physical exhaustion. 

Confidence and Fear, (at the same time):  I find myself feeling two contradictory things at the same time, yet both quite strong.  On one hand - confidence!  What a confidence booster that weekend was - makes me feel like I've got this.  On the other hand, fear!   I realize how compressed the next four months is going to be; how several weeks of disciplined effort has paid off, but is there enough time left to do the work I need to do to have the race I want to have?  All that is really nothing but fear.  I am not sure if that is even good or bad.  Confidence is good.  Overconfidence is bad.  Fear that holds you back is bad.  Fear that motivates is good.  Where's the line?  I don't know.  I do know one thing -- this train is going full speed now, and it ain't stopping until I cross that finish line on November 2; it's not even slowing down.  I will occasionally comment on the passing scenery here, and share it with friends, family, training partners.  In conclusion, I trust the wisdom of my mind and body acting together, fully awake - they've taken a look at the mountain ahead of me and said - now! now's the time to buckle down.  There is time to do the work that remains to be done,  It can be done.  I will do it.  This is going to be a hard life to live from here to Nov., like a monk or a Spartan.  Wake, Train, Work, Family Time, Sleep.  Lather, rinse, repeat 122 times = Ironman. 

If you want it you can have it, just look at me:  I am no star athlete, just an ordinary guy who happened to be gifted, not with a fantastic serve or jump shot, but strong legs and a seemingly extraordinary capacity (and willingness) to endure pain - the sport found me, if you will.  Maybe someone is wondering if they can be an Ironman and one day they will wonder if it's normal for their feelings to be all over the map.  Well, if I am normal - it is!

Day in Day Out:  What's the biggest challenge - doing the workouts day in and day out whether I feel like or it not.  A healthy fear of this race has proven to be the thing that has finally gotten me consistent like I've never been.  But guess what?  It's tiring.  Faced with the day's workout I say to myself "training?  again?  really?  didn't we just train yesterday?"  and then I am dragging my rear end into yet another workout.  Usually I feel pretty good about it after.  It mitigates the fear and feeds the confidence.

Have Goggles, will Travel:  I travel like a gypsy with various items of gear in my trunk, ready to catch a quick run or swim when my schedule opens up.  I change in my car like Clark Kent and I've gotten pretty quick and discreet about it.  I finally have begun to look at food as fuel, and crave blueberries, bananas, walnuts, lowfat yogurt, ground turkey, kale.  Don't get me wrong, Casola's Pizza is not going to go bankrupt for lack of my business while I train - (but I'll burn it off!).  I am often heading to bed before Gennifer (who's of the early to bed, early to rise persuasion, where I've always been a night owl), and getting in workouts before any of them wake up sometimes.  I am learning to be present wherever I am, to give my full attention to whatever I am doing, because I have no time to waste.

HTFU:  In sum, this process is turning me into the athlete I've always wanted to be - hardening my body- focusing my mind - but be careful what you wish for.  Working out six days a week is NO JOKE.  Then you do it again.  But I can already see that I'm getting "gears" I've never had.  You can't mentally "tough" out 140.6 miles with a body that's not ready.  Mental toughness without physical fitness = the medical tent.  But I know I will do this task - with a tough mind and fit body.

Is it worth it?  I expect it is; I do know these hundreds of dollars and hours I am spending on this are not merely directed to acquire a piece of metal and a memory.  I hope and expect that a different person will wake up early on Sunday Nov. 3 to buy a finisher jacket.  An Ironman, who knows something new about himself, by going to and through some pretty dark places inside and nevertheless seeing it through, with relentless forward motion, one stroke, one pedal and one step at a time, who knows, from experience, that "Anything is Possible!"  It will have been worth it.